Category: Caribbean Woman Created on Monday, 16 April 2012 06:34
So is the idea of surviving the casualty of a failed relationship really all that daunting as a young woman in your mid 30’s?
Yes, you read correctly. I said young woman. 30 is young ladies, the 30’s in essence, are your glory years. You should have been able to tastefully draw from the mindless carefree escapades of your teenage utopia, the many first lessons of your 20’s, where you began to figure out real life situations (work, bills, social etiquettes/norms, educational ambitions, men, relationships, dreams) and put it all into a beautiful collage, ready to take on the world.
You enter your 30’s much surer of self, direction, needs and goals, making any pitfall and life hurdle that may come along, much easier to deal with a level head. At this stage you should be able to balance negatives against positives, weigh up achievements, self-confidence and optimism about life. No one says that things won’t hurt, disappoint or temporarily put a spoke in your wheel, possibly floor you or resemble what feels like cardiac arrest, but what should present itself is a much more emotionally prepared you, who can find the well of strength to let good sense prevail. Yes the 30’s is the point where your mental fortitude should be able to pull some rank on your emotional handicaps.
This is relative and not gospel, it all depends on your outlook and perspective on life, personal fulfillment, and will to keep evolving. We’ve undoubtedly been bombarded with media overkill on relationships, i.e.: Sex in The City series, which highlighted the plight facing the 30-something professional woman in New York City in finding a life partner. Sigh…whilst being an avid lover of the show myself, and finding some affinity with the character Carrie, it began to dawn on me that we’re not that far off here in the Caribbean from some of the same societal pressures of dating and mating. It’s a worldwide phenomenon and the show did resonate with many of my single peers. What seemed to comfort me was that by the end of the series, each character let go of expectations and found love.
The love game is a tricky one, we tend to miss things when in it, we miss a lot of signs, signs about our own personal development, signs about the necessity to constantly keep growing independently before forming a love union. So many factors are to blame for relationships not working out, but if we examine it closely we can usually see a trend. Have we really discovered ourselves? Have we learned to find solace/stability in who we are, where we come from and where we want to be going? Do we understand the language of love spoken by our lover/mate/partner? Are we really listening, and most importantly, are we ready to compromise, comfort and meet the needs of someone else? The realest yet simplest reason for failure is ‘bad timing’, two people who just weren’t ready, as good as it may have felt. While we as women are emotional, keep in mind men focus more on being strong and practical. The softness of a man’s love is listening, supporting, caring, accepting our good and bad, wanting to learn from us and grow with us in the long term. We can learn a lot from understanding this dynamic.
Women have been given some pretty harsh deadlines for finding ‘the one’, having a family, buying a house, creating the dream job and finding that pie in the sky ideal of happiness. Me personally, I believe that happiness will be finding a balanced state of spirit, heart and mind. We are our best guru, and it’s the things discovered on the journey as individuals that will lead us to the best union in the end.
The trick is to let go of all the hype. Yes the clock is indeed ticking. Comfort yourself though in knowing it’s ticking to the pace of your life. You create the rhythm, the soundtrack and the melody, and absolutely nothing happens before its time.
Ayanna Cezanne is a freelance writer with MNI Alive. She can be reached at
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